big lump

sumtimes i feel like crying..as i sitting here in the dark..dragged down by memories, regrets..asking myself.. 'what did i do wrong?'..... 'how did i end up like this?'..... yeah.. of course..these kind of questions will bring me tears for no reason..i watch.. i feel the dramatic climaxes n declines in my life.. (please be strong ayu...).... *sigh*... till now, everytime after prayin..i make doa..n somehow literally my eyes filled with tears..there's a big lump in my troat..my heart is breakin.. i cant possibly be explained by words... just a feelin... i remember trying so hard to safe my marriage..but unfortunately...i LOST!! when i hear songs from waliband...it makes me feel nostalgic.. it quickly goes back into time where special memories takes place..feel like it just happned yesterday.. *crying*